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Working backwards to go forwards…

So often in life, we look at some of the things that we do and wish we didn’t do them.  If it is irritating enough we may even be motivated to go and work with a professional to help us stop doing whatever that behaviour is.  The typical method and in some ways what seems to be the obvious resolve, is to try and understand the past and what events in the past caused us to behave in this way in our ‘today’.  As romantic as self past analysis sounds, it very rarely changes the present or the future.  What is easier is this:

Look at what you are doing in the moment.  In other words what is the evidence you have about this ‘behaviour’ that you want to change.  Now ask yourself “What actions do I take, to make this possible?” Go into as much detail as you can.  Next ask yourself “What feelings do I have that makes me do these actions, that create the result?”

When you have understood the feeling now ask yourself “What thought do I have to have in order to have that specific feeling, that created the action that gives me the result?”

When you have understood your thought you can now become choosy!!  Ask yourself “What thought would I rather have?  What would happen if I changed that thought to  one that would be more productive for me?  How would that change the feeling and as a result change the action giving me a different result?”

In summary … here is the equation:

T-F-A=R      Thoughts create our feelings that drive our actions that give us our results.

Have fun, work backwards in with your problems and enjoy!!

Being Independent and Responsible

How do you become independent and responsible for the success in your life?

Today marks a day in my history.  My youngest daughter is walking to school with her friend on her own.

She is learning to be independent from me and is starting to become responsible for her life.

I know it is small scale, but it is a start for her.  Our ability to be responsible and independent does not start after our 20’s, it starts way back in our childhood.  It is here that with support and safety one can learn to try things out, make mistakes and have the courage to go out there and try again.  If you feel that you didn’t get that environment… you are not doomed.  You can learn at any stage of your life… every day is a good day to begin to make positive changes to your life.

What is it to be independent? By definition to be independent is to be someone that is not influenced by others in matters of opinion and can think and act for themselves.  They are typically people that like autonomy and are free to make decisions.

To be responsible on the other hand means to be ‘able to respond’.  When making a decision if you have the power to make that decision and you are able to respond and make it happen, the you can be responsible.  How often in life people promise to do something, but they don’t have the all the power to make it happen?  They are not completely responsible to make that promise.  When you expect someone to be responsible, ask yourself are they able to respond?  Can they deliver the decision that has been made?

When we look at the two words together, we have someone who makes a decision and will not be swayed by others and is able to act out that decision.

My daughter certainly is both of these.  She has been campaigning for weeks to get me to agree to let her walk with her friends …. and today she succeeded.  She made a decision was not swayed to think differently by me and was able to make it happen.

What is it that you want to have happen and what resources and beliefs do you hold about that?

How do you become more independent and responsible from today?  After all it is your life, and you want to live it with a feeling of fulfilment and not regret.

What can you do to improve?

  1. Read a book and learn more.
  2. Start a journal so that you can understand yourself your triggers and limitations to events.
  3. Read my book on iUnderstandMe
  4. Write out what you want and then in the next column what can you do to make it happen.
  5. Attend a course or seminar where you can personally develop yourself .

Explore and enjoy!

Dare to Dream

Five Steps to Help You Make Your Dreams Come True

Most of us have had dreams at some time in our lives, only some of us make those dreams happen! “One day I’m going to…”, is a saying I am sure you have heard and said, many times! [Read more…]

7 Skills for Ongoing Sales Success

How the skills learned in NLP can be incorporated and applied in business…

When people hear NLP for the first time they tend to imagine some ‘new age’ fuzzy fluffy thing. NLP is a methodology. It is a group of skills and tools that we all use all of the time, just most of it is done unconsciously. NLP methodolgy has been developed over years of studying very successful people and working out what they do, how they do it and then packaging it in such a way that we can do it too. [Read more…]

How to Improve the Human Factor in Business

When you take a look at a simple business model or a business plan, there is no reason why anyone in business should not succeed at what they are doing!! It is, after all quite simple.

However the list of why businesses fail is quite a long list, but if you analyse this list, you will find that most businesses fail as a direct result of the HUMAN FACTOR not working at a successful level, never mind at optimum performance. [Read more…]